Fuck the First Step
“Well done is half begun.”
A load of crap.
Think about being in a slump for a few weeks or months and in some cases, even years. Imagine that one fine day when that motivational quote you saw on Instagram or that article a Sector Leader wrote finally got you off your ass to do something about it. You had that adrenaline rush mixed with the right amount of trepidation and excitement to actually start… training for that marathon, writing the first page of your book, sending your CV to your dream company, hitting send on that email which has been lying in your drafts to that professor in the college of your precocious dreams. Yes. You did it. You finally gathered all the courage in the world required and you finally took that first step. You crack open a bottle of your favourite poison, tell yourself that you can finally buy every single thing you always wanted and fall asleep with a smile on your face.
You wake up the next morning to more motivational quotes and posts. Probably a few of your friends wishing you all the best. Your tracker awaits. Your book awaits… ehm… sorry, second page awaits. Your inbox stares back at you. Your life stares back at you, almost challenging you to take the next step.
The Second Step.
Your body aches from training too hard on your first day. Your mind draws a blank as you forget the plot of your bestseller. Your CV begins to resemble a list of everything you feel you are in fact, not. Your email in your sent messages begins to make you think like a fraud. You can begin to feel a layer of perspiration as you slowly begin to realise that you might need more than a good start to get you through.
While we are taught over and over again to dream big and achieve the impossible, not everybody tells you how important it is to keep at it. Waking up from a slump and wanting to make a difference is good but generating enough will power to keep at it, when you’re still really far away from your goal is the true testament of grit.
Writing this, a couple of months shy of college applications which are due, with way too many great first steps to retreating back into my shell of “I don’t think I have it in me” to “Let us start once again”… I can clearly say that it isn’t ambition which is keeping me from achieving every single thing I desire in life. It’s the fatigue which hits me after my great start and the lack of stamina and will power to take me to the next step. It almost feels like my ideas have all run dry. My energy sapped. My interest dying. All in that expectant FIRST step that it’s keeping me from continuing it. That first day of waking up before your alarm goes off. That first page you have written so beautifully, with eloquent prose that you feel this will make you the author you truly know you are. That CV which just hits the spot with the right amount of boasting and modesty. That email which will probably be used as a template for ‘how to WOW your future professor’. Poof. Gone. Just as quickly as it started.
“Are you afraid of taking risks?”
“Are you having starting trouble?”
“Do you lack the drive?”
Nope. Just the fear of something much bigger than all that. The shadow of something looming over your entire life.
The second step.